What is Intimacy Behavioral Therapy?
“Touch can solve a mystery the intellect has struggled with in vain.” Carl Jung
My one of a kind, experiential based therapeutic program is a blend of cognitive talk therapy and guided touch exercises that enable engagement in – and a constant returning to – the present moment. This process includes proven methods and techniques including sensation focus touch exercises, mindfulness practices, exposure therapy, and psycho-dynamic interpersonal interaction and integration. Supported by the latest advancement in neuroscience – that human beings heal through releasing trapped feelings from within their bodies – I guide you out of the grip of your minds/thoughts and into the realm of the wisdom of your body and emotions. This is made possible through learning to access two foundation building tools; a diaphragmatic (deepened) breath practice, coupled with sensation focused body awareness touch exercises.
Our bodies trust, open and shift slowly and subtly. This fact necessitates a moment to moment pace during the sessions to give your body the opportunity to “tell” you how it feels. Therefore, the key to creating this real inner change comes only through a gradual approach – breaking down your touch experience into small increments – allowing you to discover where anxiety shows up in your body, thereby enabling you to replace it with ease in the moment without the stress of a goal.
What are the tools? (These are learned sitting face to face on a mat on the floor)
- Deepened breath practice: By developing this consistent practice, your body experiences relaxing chemical changes that makes it possible to loosen the grip of your thoughts and create the relaxed state necessary to access your (in the moment) physical sensations.
- Sensation focus touch exercises: I show you how to engage in focused touch (first with our hand and arm) making it possible (over time and with repetition) to replace anxiety with ease (when giving and receiving touch) by creating new neural pathways in your brain. Gradually, as your body acclimates to this process, the touch exercises become more intimate.
Touch School: Why talk therapy alone won’t solve your problem (Because the problem isn’t stored in the thinking part of your brain). Let’s take a deeper dive:
Can you identify with any of these?
- Your body is in the bed, but your mind is somewhere else–observing
- You think trauma or emotional problems are affecting your sex life
- You have PE, erectile dysfunction or delayed ejaculation
- You’re a late bloomer or simply inexperienced
- Your sexual/porn addiction has ruined real sex
- Social Anxiety (insecurity, you hate your body, sweat) ruins intimacy
- You’ve lost desire (whether medical or psychological)
The integration of the newest neurological, scientific, physiological and psychological research has proven that many sexual problems cannot be solved by talking about them. Even if you gain insight and understanding, even if you pinpoint the factors, even if you connect all the dots, for many it’s not enough to overcome your problem.
Using the example of learning to swim, it is a known fact that it’s impossible to do without jumping into the water and (at first) consciously envisioning the swimming strokes as we physically begin to practice them. Reading or listening to a podcast about swimming will not help our bodies adapt to the water and use our limbs to navigate.
As with any physical experience that is repeated, muscle memory is activated: Science supports that with enough practice of new behavior (minimum 3-4 months with consistent exposure) our ingrained flight, flight, freeze response can be lessened and replaced with ease. In simple terms, one becomes aware sooner when they are in the grip of their thoughts and can redirect themselves back down into their bodies. Note that our wired-in survival instincts make our bodies’ naturally resistant to breathing into the discomfort of our physical sensations and emotions, often making this experience feel counterintuitive.